i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
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