Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
