please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
