$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
