Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
