life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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