the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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