this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
