the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
