Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I believe in your delicious
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
