You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
