walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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