I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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