Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
