clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
