I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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