Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
