with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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