taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
