here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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