never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
