i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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