the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
