No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
