its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
