I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
