Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
