Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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