I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
