what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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