Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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