sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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