eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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