He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
