I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
