The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
