season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
