Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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