You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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