So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
