I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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