yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
