its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
