Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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