My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
