K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
