unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
