and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
