She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
