dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
