god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
