She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Tell her she can't have a vagina
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
